Haircut blues

Okay so I have terrible hair...and mind you I'm not saying this out of some self-loathing. I am stating the truth. I have very thick (both in terms of quantity and quality) curly, unmanageable hair. Now I don't know how to wear it. I can't cut it short because it doesn't have any fall and it will stand up straight. I can't keep it too long because it is unmanageable. Usually I have to keep it sort of moderate in length and tied in order to not appear like a witch.

Now I come from a middle-class south-Indian family. My mother did not have any exposure in terms of beauty products or grooming your hair etc. My whole childhood passed with my long-hair braided together into a plait. Add big glasses to that and I was the epitome of a geek that cannot be remotely imagined as a sexual being :P Suited me well because I was so not into guys...or girls :) Thinking back, I guess I was indeed a geek.

But fast-forward time to now. I wear better clothes (though still very plain according to my female companions), I got rid of the glasses and my hairstyle has promoted from a braid to a pony. So far so good. But I can't seem to find a haircut that I am brave enough to try that will look good on me. I do think cutting it too short is not the answer (anyway I don't want a boyish haircut...I have enough boyish things about me and I don't need another addition). So at the moment I just get it cut into layers and keep it a bit below shoulder-length.

However, it would do me good if I went to the hair-dresser frequently...or rather not as infrequently as I currently do. Actually...I avoid a hairdresser fervently. There, I said it. Why? Why when I need them so badly? :P Well, it's the hairdryer. I know it's silly but hey I really am in a quandary in this case so hear me out. Thank God for the anonymity that this blog offers I am free to admit that I don't know how to use a blow-dryer! Seriously I suck at it! Add to that my terrible hair that needs the perfect blow-drying technique in order for me to not end up looking like I've been electrocuted. So either I have to shell out extra money to get it styled by the hairdresser (which I also don't like because they tweak it so much that it looks great for a few hours but ends up looking ten times worse once the effect wears out) or I have to do it myself (a nightmare!).

Ugh...first world problems many would say but trust me something like this can consume your peace of mind because everyday you look in the mirror and you go "Gosh I'm a few days away from becoming a cavewoman...I really need a haircut". Then you go "Ah to hell with the hair-drying crap". And it's a vicious cycle to the point you fear your bf will break up with you if you went without a haircut for another single day. Then you make the leap, make one of the choices and be like "AH FREEDOM AT LAST FOR A FEW WEEKS".

Inferiority complex in a relationship

So did I tell you guys that I have a super handsome bf? :P We're together since 2 years now...yay!! :)

Initially when he started showing interest in me, I was very skeptical. It was hard to believe that such a handsome and smart man would be interested in someone like me. When we got together I would say a million times how I don't know why he likes me when he can get so many other prettier girls. And he would always reassure me how beautiful my personality is.

But then I realized at some point that insecurity is not sexy...confidence is. When you are confident, you are sexy and intriguing to your partner. Initially one has to feign confidence when you don't have it. The phrase "Fake it till you make it", although cliched, is really true. Once you start getting noticed, your confidence increases on its own and you no longer need to feign it. And yes, confidence makes the difference. So all you ladies and gentlemen out there who feel bad about themselves, smile and try to be confident and it will soon come to you naturally :)

Comparison with parents

I had once uploaded a picture of my parents. It's a really beautiful picture. My parents were really really good-looking when they were young. There were scores of comments on the picture and then the inevitable happened. "Are you sure you're their child?". People can be so cruel.

Another time when I showed it to somebody they comment "I'm sorry to say but your parents are more beautiful than you". Why do they have to point that out? Why can't they just say "Your parents were really good-looking" and just leave it at that? Why the fucking comparison?

I have it better than my poor brother though. He is even a bit overweight. At least my figure is quite good and in that way represents my parents' genes. But it's better to not look as good as them but be as smart as them rather than being the other way round.

"Friends" who always comment on your appearance

I have acquaintances who live in the same building as I do. As I was entering my home, I saw one of them. She was carrying some stuff when I noticed a couple of paintings in her hand. I asked her if she made them since I know that she painted. She said "Yes" and showed them with pride. I praised her for her talent.

And what's the next thing she asks me? Why are your eyes so puffed up? You look so tired, as if you've just woken up. I smiled, said something in my defense and excused myself.

The truth is that my eyes always appear a bit puffy. Normally I wouldn't care but I wish people would let me be in that state of mind. Bitches like herself always notice too much into your appearance and are manner-less enough to comment on it. In fact, it almost tempts me to comment that she seems to have gained weight. But I cannot bring myself to make such a remark on anybody's appearance. Perhaps I should learn to do so.

Later at night I was watching a documentary on 'The string theory' when this female's friend pings me on chat. What does she have to say? "Did you check out my nail art?". It irritated me to no end for some reason. I said "No, but I'll check now" and then I checked and said "Nice". Then she's like "Then why don't you comment on it?". That's when I blew her off saying I'm not interested in these things and I gave her my opinion only because she had asked for it. Perhaps I was a bit rude but I was utterly irritated, first having been disturbed from what I was doing for a petty thing like this and secondly to pester me for a nice comment on facebook.

I think it is pathetic how some people need so much approval for their appearance but are so stingy in giving some to others.

What's with the thinness?

So I recently visited home in India after more than a year. The very expected reaction was "My God! You've grown so thin! You've become half of what you were!".

Now if I am asked to choose between believing a naked human eye or a weighing machine, I would go with the latter, which ironically tells me that I have not lost a single pound. So what's with the comments? I have my own theory for that.

People seem to forget just how thin I am originally, i.e., their brains cannot retain the simple information of my natural state of thinness. So every time they see me, they seem to think I have lost weight. I know what is going to happen when I go back to Germany again. Same reactions and comments. I feel like putting a note on my forehead saying "I know you think I am thin so don't bother announcing it". Also it will hide some acne marks on my forehead...lol.

I also don't understand why harassing someone on being thin is okay when it is considered totally rude to bug someone for being fat. People need to learn some manners.

Shopping discrimination

I don't know if I am paranoid or if this is real but a lot of times I feel as if shop owners feel irritated by my presence. At least until I join the queue at the cash counter in the end with some stuff. They seem to think that I am not going to buy anything since I do not 'look rich'. It makes them feel that I am simply increasing their work. Again, nothing can be done except ignoring. I guess I am getting quite good at this ignoring thing. Reminding myself that they are stupid helps a lot.

It is true that beauty is to some extent a reflection of how much money you've got but it's not the case always. Personally, I do not put make up because I do not feel comfortable with this stuff on my face and even if I did, it's not good for me as I have acne.

I am a hairy person. I've got dark and course hair everywhere. Hair removal, especially on my legs, causes me to get ingrown hair. And my underarms are not beautiful. As you might know, I belong to a race where a lot of women have underarms that are darker than the rest of the arm. So I am normally dressed conservatively and without make up, probably making me look poor. I don't completely blame people for judging me like that because most of the times generalizations are true to some extent but I do hope that once in a while people treat me exactly the same way as a beautiful person is treated...a beautiful person who is much much poorer would get a ten-fold respect from everyone. I just wish the world was not so unfair. Anyway I should be happy that my life is totally great apart from the fact that I'm ugly. And surely there are people who are uglier than me so probably I should try to focus my attention on their plight instead.

Advantages of being ugly

So everyone's talking about how being ugly is horrible and the worst thing ever. But there are some great advantages to it too: -

1) Since you know you're ugly, you put in more effort to develop other traits of your personality such as charm and humour which most people find attractive.

2) You know that whatever you have achieved is because of your hard-work and dedication and has nothing to do with your looks. If anything, you might have had to work extra hard to counter the ill-effects your looks might have created. So essentially, you totally deserve your current position of success.

3) You don't have to be worried about people flirting with you casually only to leave you heart-broken in the end. You know that if somebody seems interested then they must REALLY be interested since they care to hang out with you despite how you look. So they indeed must be interested in you as a person.

4) People are comfortable around you because they never feel inferiority complex as far as looks are concerned.

So all you ugly people out there...you might have more than what you think! Cheer up and live your life to the fullest!