Shopping discrimination

I don't know if I am paranoid or if this is real but a lot of times I feel as if shop owners feel irritated by my presence. At least until I join the queue at the cash counter in the end with some stuff. They seem to think that I am not going to buy anything since I do not 'look rich'. It makes them feel that I am simply increasing their work. Again, nothing can be done except ignoring. I guess I am getting quite good at this ignoring thing. Reminding myself that they are stupid helps a lot.

It is true that beauty is to some extent a reflection of how much money you've got but it's not the case always. Personally, I do not put make up because I do not feel comfortable with this stuff on my face and even if I did, it's not good for me as I have acne.

I am a hairy person. I've got dark and course hair everywhere. Hair removal, especially on my legs, causes me to get ingrown hair. And my underarms are not beautiful. As you might know, I belong to a race where a lot of women have underarms that are darker than the rest of the arm. So I am normally dressed conservatively and without make up, probably making me look poor. I don't completely blame people for judging me like that because most of the times generalizations are true to some extent but I do hope that once in a while people treat me exactly the same way as a beautiful person is treated...a beautiful person who is much much poorer would get a ten-fold respect from everyone. I just wish the world was not so unfair. Anyway I should be happy that my life is totally great apart from the fact that I'm ugly. And surely there are people who are uglier than me so probably I should try to focus my attention on their plight instead.

Advantages of being ugly

So everyone's talking about how being ugly is horrible and the worst thing ever. But there are some great advantages to it too: -

1) Since you know you're ugly, you put in more effort to develop other traits of your personality such as charm and humour which most people find attractive.

2) You know that whatever you have achieved is because of your hard-work and dedication and has nothing to do with your looks. If anything, you might have had to work extra hard to counter the ill-effects your looks might have created. So essentially, you totally deserve your current position of success.

3) You don't have to be worried about people flirting with you casually only to leave you heart-broken in the end. You know that if somebody seems interested then they must REALLY be interested since they care to hang out with you despite how you look. So they indeed must be interested in you as a person.

4) People are comfortable around you because they never feel inferiority complex as far as looks are concerned.

So all you ugly people out there...you might have more than what you think! Cheer up and live your life to the fullest!

Classification of people based on their reaction to my acne

So over the time I have seen people react differently to my ugly face. I classify them here:-

1) The ignorers:
A lot of people come into this category. I love them. I don't care about honesty here. If you are appalled at my face, just disguise it! Please do it for my sake, I beg you! It at least gives me hope that there is a 50% chance that you actually don't care about it, the other 50% being that you are disguising your true feelings.

The ignorers can be further sub-classified: -
a) The friendly ones: These are the ones who either pity me or look beyond my face and are nice to me. Needless to say, I survive because of them.
b) The real ignorers: They don't talk to me. I still don't know how much of it has to do with my face but I know that it has a big part to play. My absolutely gorgeous friend gets big smiles and friendly conversations everywhere she goes.

2) The triers:
There are people who try to ignore and disguise but fail. So these are people who, no matter how hard they try, cannot help drifting to your scars during a conversation. I feel very uncomfortable with them and even around them.

3) The direct ones:
These are people who will meet you once or twice and that's all they need to announce to me that I have these scars. Well, thanks for letting me know you dumbass! Apparently I do not know the existence of a mirror so that I have never bought one which is why I am totally unaware of how I look!

4) The 'helpers':
I HATE THEM! Not because they are trying to help but mostly because they seem to think I am not trying to do anything about it. They set out to prove that I am not working hard enough for it. Yes you idiot! I really enjoy being hideous, so why would I do anything about it? They seem to think that every person who has acne is because they are not working hard enough to get rid of it. They don't realize that getting to know the root cause of it and to rid it takes time. If you get Tuberculosis you have to take medication for at least a year before you are completely cured. I give a sample conversation: -

Helper: You know you have TB and it makes you very weak and unhealthy.
TB patient: Yes I know.
Helper: Why don't you do something about it?
TB patient: Yes I am taking medication.
Helper: Well apparently it is not working for you.
TB patient: It takes time to heal completely. (For acne, to get the right cure is a whole different issue!)
Helper: You know you should try this...and that....and that too....blah blah.
TB patient (irritated and uninterested): Yeah okay.
Helper: See this is your problem. You are not trying hard enough. You are so uninterested.
TB patient (to herself/himself): Shut the fuck up already!

I think I haven't missed anyone. If it were not for the friendly ignorers, I don't know how I would be surviving :( It's hard.

Why am I ugly?

This post is not a 'Why me??' rambling. It is rather about the specific characters that make me look ugly.

1) I have horrible acne scars.
This is the primary aspect of my ugliness. They make me look so shitty. I will describe the psychological torture acne imposes on me in a different post. But physically, they just make my face look horrible. My whole face has black marks, including forehead (worst affected), cheeks, chin and nose. I get acne right below my lower lip in the middle of the chin so that it looks like a small fucking patch of beard. Now if I were a man it would probably look fashionable but it makes me look double worse because I'm a woman.

My nose, ugh! It has blackheads and whiteheads. I try removing them all the time but they just sometimes lead to black spots, making the nose look even worse.

2) Dry, flaky skin:
It makes my face look dull and horrid.

3) Facial hair:
I have side-locks and moustache (not a heavy one but still quite noticeable). I epilate the side-locks and pluck away the moustache but there are times when they are growing back and I look ridiculous and hideous.

4) Horrible, frizzy hair:
My hair is so frizzy that I cannot cut it short as it will look funny and with long hair, all I can do is tie it up unfashionably and still it goes crazy behind my back.

Now you get the whole picture of what makes me ugly. I guess you are already disgusted by the image that you have in your mind. I hope I haven't scared you away from my blog :P